Things You Shouldn't...

...teach a toddler to do. Especially when you have a very pregnant, tired and irritable wife in close proximity.
Harking back to my days of youth, I was singing one of the old football songs. When I say old, I was singing this in stadiums before the were all seated. The good old days, standing room only and less than a tenner for a World Cup Qualifier. My kids will never experience that come to think of it. What a shame.
Anyways, forget the trip down Memory Lane. Here's how it goes:
He's fat, he's round
He's worth a million pound
(I think this may have been in reference to Gazza once upon a time, but I think these days Wayne Rooney might hear it occasionally)
Now, even though you can't get much for a million pounds in terms of players at todays market price, you can at least teach your toddler to shout DAD-DEEEEEEE when you finish the lines.

That bit is fine. You won't get in trouble for it (Disclaimer: I think!) You could even score brownie points by teaching them to shout MUM-MEEEEEE at the end, of course changing the He to She, but you surely must have worked that out yourself.
I played on words a little too much though.
She's fat, she's round
She bounces on the ground
"MUM-MEEEEEE" comes the deafening roar from the back seat of the car.

Please. For your own safety and well being. DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME!