Old Wife's Tales

This Friday will be D-Day so far as the due date is concerned for Bambino. Well, almost. We (yes, "we" apparently) told a few white lies to make taking Maternity Leave work in with other things that were going on at the time. This won't be a problem unless Bambino decides it's not coming out to play, because at D-Day plus 12, the good old NHS want to carry out an induction to get things going - only we calculated tonight that that would only be 8 days overdue had we not been so creative with the dates. Oops. We'll cross that bridge if and when we come to it though.

My good lady wife is the sort who signs up to every email alert there is going. I'm not quite sure if it's just so that she gets regular mail in her inbox, or that she is genuinely interested in the various offers and information that come her way? One of the things she gets is a week by week report of the fetal development process so that she (we!) can keep up with what's going on in her uterus. Obviously, we'd prefer to get things going naturally to avoid owning up to telling porkie pies to the midwife (amongst other things), so we paid a bit more attention to the old wife's tales than usual.

Being a normal red blooded man, sex would be my first choice - every time. If it doesn't work, I'm more than happy to pull my weight and try again. It's hard work, but someone has got to do it, right?
So, as we were reading this list tonight (the one apparently written by women, for women it seems), I was forced to ask why sex always seems to be at the bottom of the list. It's like, try all of this crap first and if all else fails, let him help! I mean walking. What the hell is that all about? If you have more fun walking than shagging, then you seriously need to question your own sex life. Castor oil...eating pineapple......raspberry leaf tea??? Ahh, nipple stimulation....now we're talking, and that can lead to the sex. Two birds, one stone and all that. You know it makes sense.

I was somewhat disappointed that sex was bottom of our particular list. I thought I'd have a look and see if all the lists were the same (just to prove a childish point) and I stumbled across this little gem on www.babycentre.co.uk. This is the bit they don't send in email updates, just in case dad is reading too I think!

"At this stage in your pregnancy sex is easier said than done. Try spoons, with your partner entering from behind or use the bed as a prop: your bulge isn't an obstacle if you lie on your back at the side or foot of the bed with your knees bent, and your bottom and feet perched at the edge of the mattress. Your partner can either kneel or stand in front of you. Alternatively, giving your partner oral sex may work better. It is thought that prostaglandins are absorbed more efficiently through the gut than through the vagina. (Note: you may prefer to keep this piece of information to yourself.)"

Needless to say, I couldn't give a hoot about proving my point on the way various lists are made now. That one paragraph is all I need to know. So that's it. I'm putting my foot down. The next time I hear "I WANT IT OUT!" I shall be sure to request that she gets her gums around my plums.