Who Needs Gadgets?

There can't be many aspiring workmen who go to work in their pyjamas. Maybe LL will set a trend?

Chrimbo has come and gone, fortunately I have been at home. I'm off back to work tomorrow morning. As expected, with two young loons, and a heavily pregnant other half, it was a quiet one. The boys had a great time though - lots of age appropriate gifts.....I've got a bee in my bonnet about 3 year olds getting Nintendo DS's, and 5 year olds getting laptops. Enough of that though......our boys got what we consider to be just right. Aside from a few disputes over who is playing with what, everything has gone just about right. I even got spoiled a bit myself......

Mummy's Beautiful.....Or Maybe Not??

I had an interesting chat with BB today on the way home from nursery. One of those ones from way over in left field, that you don't see coming. It went like this:

BB: Daddy. Why do you love mummy?

BFS: Pardon? (Not the buying time kind of pardon, but the come again mister kind)

BB: Why do you love mummy?

So in the following three nanoseconds, all the totally inappropriate answers crossed my mind. It's not like a 4 year old will understand that she's a chef in the kitchen and a tart in the bedroom now, is it?

BFS: Because mummy is beautiful. And kind. And generous.....I was leading to somewhere near perfect for the record.

BB (laughing): Don't be silly daddy. Mummy is not beautiful.

BFS (this should be interesting!): You don't think mummy is beautiful? Tell daddy who you do think is beautiful then?

BB: You daddy. You're the only one that is beautiful. (Spoken in the best Weegie are you for real dip shit tone - think Chewin the Fat)

Can he really be that manipulative 9 days before Christmas at 4 years of age???




I maintain that she scrubs up nae bad myself.

It Snow Fair

It seems a while since LL had his little drama queen episode. All has been well on that front thankfully, so much so in fact that MPLST and I managed a child free weekend away to celebrate our 5th anniversary. Did we feel guilty? That'll be shining bright......

We took advantage of the early snow today and headed to the park with our sledges. I'd like to think that I'm picking up a thing or two about this photography nonsense. This was as good as it got though, as LL got a face full of snow on his first run and refused to go again. BB on the other hand, could get enough of it and would have stayed all day given the chance.

Nee Naw Nee Naw

It's a sorry situation when the only time you have to blog is because the kids are ill! I'm supposed to be working, but LL had a wee scare at the beginning of the week. Actually, that's not strictly true, his mother had the scare - he just had a good dose of feeling sorry for himself-itis.

Even by mum's standards though, she excelled herself this time. (I do feel that the 3 days since have provided enough time for me to ridicule her now obviously). After a brief visit to the doc, they ended up leaving in an ambulance to a hospital some 40 miles away. In typical scatter brain fashion, MPLST had no money and no phone.

Here's what amazed me in hospital though. There is a woman whose soul job appears to be to amuse children. Crikey! I thought we were facing the toughest cutbacks in about 19 generations here.....and here "Heather" is carving pumpkins for kids in the children's ward. Evidently, she isn't that good at reading kids either. As they tried to give LL his drugs through a nebuliser, he was of course fighting them with every ounce of his not quite 3 stone frame. And her answer every time waving one toy in front of him failed......well, it appeared to be to wave yet another toy in front of him. After about 6, I thought the pattern may have become evident to her. But no, it took some sarcastic remark about adopting the Romanian approach for her to twig. Other than that though, I have to admit, the good old NHS were pretty bloody good.

LL is fighting fit now though. MPLST has managed to squeeze in some rest. I'll be heading back to work to finish my trip, and then we can look forward to Bambino's 20 week scan on Tuesday. Hopefully she has been blissfully unaware of all the stress mum has been under.

Better Late Than Never...

A scrapbook design by Smilebox

Hats Off

or not as the case may be.....

Mission Accomplished

That was taken first thing this morning (shoes allowed this one time as it was wet). Boyo seems delighted.
Save for a little bit of landscaping, it's done. We even managed to hold the surprise until this morning too.
He's been out a few times since. How long until the novelty wears off?

Positively Positive

Seven years to the day since I first become a dad, MPLST sent me that pic at work. We've kept that under our collective hats since then. We should have a giggle along the way through this latest (not to mention last!) bash at babymaking. This blog kicked off not long before LL was born, so most of the madness between my ears was missed.

This will be number 3 for "us" and number 4 for "me" and I reserve the right to chop and change that reference as my mood dictates. Yes, we are chuffed. Yes, he or she was planned. We have no real preference to what flavour this baby will be, we wish only that he (not she!) is healthy. I prefer "he" to "it" and I'm not about to spend the next 6 months quoting "he or she" every time "he" is mentioned!

Operation Tramp

We've committed the cardinal sin of parenting by applying ourselves not so equally to our boys birthdays. Whereas LL's was almost upon us, even before we'd remembered to buy the poor wee mite a card (whilst completely forgetting to take BB to get his brother a card!), the stops are being well and truly pulled for the big'un.

So here's the problem: We have a trampoline (which incidentally takes loads up to 22 stone, so even MPLST can bounce on it) for his birthday, but want to a) keep it as a surprise whilst b) digging a pit and erecting it. Not only that, but c) the bloody playframe, which weighs well over half a ton is parked on the optimum spot.

Here's the solution, or at least part of it.....use and abuse your friends, relatives and drop hints to toddler group mummies who will then readily volunteer their husbands. The plan was to part break the playframe, then carry......yes carry, it to it's new home at theother end of the garden. On arrival, not a single one of them thought it was do-able! Done in 40 mins though.....we're not very bright, but we can lift heavy things.

There was no way were were dismantling that. It took MPLST and I about 19 hours to build over 3 days, with the same two little lumps clambering all over it, just like that. So well done us.

Part two was to get a man with a digger. Really, I wanted to do this myself, but common sense prevailed. BB thinks the drains are leaking and we need to fix them, hence the big hole.

You've got to love the innocence of children. He thinks that the frame is part of the structure to keep the hole whole so to speak. We've got a week to finish this without him suspecting it's a trampoline. Should be interesting, especially as MPLST is away offshore for half of the remaining time. No pressure then dad!

The Lost and The Forgotten

Poor Little Lad's second birthday has come and gone without so much as a blog entry. No balloons or streamers either. Instead, all he got was a boring Sunday roast where we were joined by his grandparents. Probably not quite what he would have wished for, but then again he was 2. At 2 I've learned that boys like opening presents, then playing with them. They really couldn't care what day their pals came round to play because life at 2 really isn't all that complicated.

BB will be 4 in a couple of weeks. And he is much more party aware, so we will have to pull our fingers out for that. Indeed, he is so aware, that as soon as he gets to one, he's looking for his party bag, but that's another story. Back to Little Lad's big day - he was pretty impressed with his cake

The only part I played that cake was the eating.

Whilst checking through MPLST's camera, I did find two other pics that amused me somewhat. One sums up bossy boots in a nutshell. The other seems to have captured BB in a not so rare moment of public nudity.....

A Chip Off The Old Block?

When I was a loon, I had a reputation for sticking my tongue out when I was concentrating. I never made it past a dozen or so without someone telling me to put my tongue in. I've noticed BB is developing the same trait....

He's playing with his special reward which he earned by staying in bed 14 out of the 15 nights I was at work. And because I am a tired grumpy sod, he's under no disillusion that if he reverts to type, he'll lose it just as quickly.

But for now, he and his brother are muchos contented.

Who Needs a DS?

Whilst the rest of civilisation contemplates the merits of no touch soap dispensers versus the oh so germ ridden ones that have served us so well for a generation, we got filthy on a full blown weekend away camping with the three kids.

As you can see, you don't need a TV, the kids appear to been happy watching the trees - though I think the attraction might just have been their own fun sized chairs. Oddly, we managed without a soap that kills 99.9% of all known bacteria too. I may have to write to a science journal to explain just how we did that.



What toys did we take on this adventure? A Frisbee and a rugby ball. BB loves "tackling" (we're not allowed to call it rugby), and he's already learned that the bigger they are, the harder they fall.



It was almost a trip back to a more simple time. All they needed were wellies. Even they got left outside the tent. It's much more fun to grind that mud right into your socks you see.

I took my own Free Range approach a step further too. The loo block was on the other side of the campsite. After a few trips back and fore on day one, BB was allowed to go there with his big sister and have a little explore on the way back. Apart from the caveat of "don't fall in the pond and don't go out that big gate", there were no rules. I think their favorite bit was the special camping hot chocolate - a cunning ploy to let LL get to sleep on our parts, but oh how kids love melting bars of chocolate into milk on a camping stove.

LL just loved his chair though.....

Big Boys Toys

We had an opportune ride in a digger today, so no pics. Not quite sure who was most made up, BB or dad!

The bloke next door is having his drive done, so the mini digger was out doing the prep work. BB was keen to park his arse on the grass and watch the men working. At smoke break, the man offered BB a ride, but BB played shy. Result my son, because the man then told me to take him in.

Being the shy type myself, I went through the motions of showing BB the controls before getting out again. Clearly the man was not content with this and lectured me about not even starting it for the wee man. He offered to take boyo again when the cancer stick was done - but BB was making sure dad got in on the action....

So, in we goes. Both of us! Engine on, swinging the bucket round, in and out, up and down. Then off up and down the drive. I want one!

Garden Fun

I came home on Tuesday to find the paddling pool and water slide out in the garden. Despite it being a distinctly average day, the boys appeared to be having a great time. Not sure LL knows quite what the bucket is for though.

He was also sharp to show me his new found climbing skills. Talk about fearless....

Since then, we're having a bit of a lazy week. Great Grandma A has come to stay for a few days. BB has got her wrapped around his little finger and is getting about 50 stories each day read to him on demand. Who'd have thought that Great Grandma's were the secret weapon to combat school holiday fatigue?

Lower Than a Snake's Belly

My blog is a happy place. It is a place where I can escape to and find some humour when I need reminding that oil rigs, mortgages and credit card bills are not the be all and end all of my life. Today though, I shall resort to having a right good bitch about my daughter's mother. I call her FF - that's Fitba' Face. And how I'd like to drop kick that right now......

Because I try and hide the misery that is my ex wife, I'll have to paint a wee picture here for the uninitiated amongst you. We don't talk much. I turn up, say yes ma'am, no ma'am, 3 bags full ma'am and then leave with SS. No hassle, no confrontation and everyone is happy. Actually, SS is happy. Her mother is eternally miserable, and the very sight of her has been known to drag me down to that level. We share no information and have nothing else in common. Great parenting, huh!

SS was being a wee shite last week apparently only to be dressed down with a "if you don't calm down and behave, you'll go to your dad's!" So I'm a punishment now....is it really any wonder that things are the way they are???
Still, I'll say nowt. I never do. It's doesn't do much for ones masculinity, but mother and toddlers has already cost me lots of that anyways....

The Dancing Queens

Ok, so it's been a while since either of us blogged. Along with all the usual goings on around here, there is also the small matter of a tournament in South Africa which rather conveniently shows evening games just after the bed time routine. And when there is no football on the box, the garden still needs done......

For our part, we have tried to spend this 3 week period where we are both at home to do some mutual parenting. BB was getting the impression that as soon as one of us came home, the other one had to go to work. To that end, we have both spent lots of time with the boys at the park and in the garden.

BB is starting to idolise his big brother somewhat. They are forming their very own truck and trailer partnership. BB seems to be enjoying the dance lessons.....


Now you'll see what I mean......

It doesn't end there though..... Here's BB enjoying the big boys toys at the park

Not to be out done though, LL wants a turn.

Mum's even had a go at making us all look handsome in the pics

We managed our first night camping together too, albeit in the complete non wilderness of my mother's back garden. Kids had a great time. Apparently you can't get kids not to bounce on an air bed though. I set about building our tent

Kids decide they had better try out their bed

Crikey, it's massive. Bigger than my first flat!

Oh, and she's my cousin, not my sister. Honest!

Hurry Home Mummy!

It seems that BB fancies his chances in the argument stakes. Whilst he has mostly been an all round good egg whilst stuck with dad all week, it seems that every day at one point on another he shows his stubborn streak (the one he obviously gets from his mother).

Recent conversations have gone along the lines of "BB, please do this or that....." only for him to reply "No Daddy, I won't! You should let people do what they want to do." The cheeky wee shite even threatened not to eat his snack yesterday after being dissatisfied with chicken being offered for dinner. "I will not eat my snack if you make chicken for dinner" he declared......clearly he has much to learn in the art of striking a deal. For the record, he ate both the snack and the chicken.....and no children were harmed in the scoffing of these meals!

So far, the only reason I appear to be winning our little argument is by virtue of the fact I am even more stubborn coupled with the fact that I have taken away bedtime stories more than once this week. We seem to be making progress, but I think secretly we'd both rather have mum home as it's getting somewhat tiresome for both of us.

Speaking of storytelling, LL had me all to himself this afternoon whilst BB went to one of his friends house for lunch. He revelled in the one to one attention and seems to be developing his brother's appetite for books as we sat on the sofa and read one after the other for half an hour or so.

Mum is stuck in a foggy North Sea yet again - what are the odds?? In the last 7 years I have not done an additional night offshore because of weather, yet she has got stuck twice in the last few months.

Single Parenting

As we continue to operate primarily as two individual single parents, I thought I had best post a pic or two of todays trip. We ventured to the paddling area at the local each, before heading back to BB's favourite farm for a picnic with his nursery mates.

Fantastic weather, worn out kids. Thought I'd best share with MPLST who is on a rig with crap phone and internet facilities. Hopefully she will see these though.

Sports Day Photo's

This photo slideshow created with Smilebox

The Handover

Parenting is getting a bit like work these days. I think we'd be better having a Microsoft word handover than a verbal one too, then at least I'd be able to find things MPLST has taken upon herself to move (the extension lead comes to mind).

Speaking of the handover - I've got a gripe. It's not a new one, well, at least not to MPLST. Being a hands on dad of the times, I have taken it upon myself to bin the girlie change bag we used when BB was a baby in favour of something you might call, half way trendy in a sort of mid life crisis kind of way. You know, the kind of bag that a man nearer 40 than 30 would use, that 10 years ago he would not have contemplated carrying, even in the middle of the night in a strange faraway land for fear of being seen looking somewhat gay.

And being a rather anal sort of fella, I like my man bag to be organised and tidy. This is somewhat difficult to achieve when one's choice in bag appears to be acceptable for the woman in one's life (which in itself should have all the alarm bells ringing from my perspective) to use when he's not around. I now find myself having to give it a thorough inspection before heading out. And just as well I did too. As if I don't look suspect enough in my muckle frame carrying a bag that my wife does, I have removed such goodies as tampons and "daily hair repair cream". The mind boggles as to what people would think should such articles fall from ones man bag at the wrong time.

All is sorted now though. I now have a spare change of clothes that actually fit LL in there, some nappies, wipes and not bloody tampons.

Whilst I'm sharing embarrassing stories - here's another for you to giggle at. On Wednesday morning, I met a new mum at the toddler group. On Thursday, we just happened to be in the same place at a local farm play area come coffee house. She found out that the locks don't work properly in the portacabin loos there, and in a way neither of us is likely to forget soon. As she burst in to the unisex WC, we both found out my lock was buggered as she opened the door to find my taking a dump.

Poor lass.

Eejit!

It would appear that the North Sea doesn't have the monopoly on morons. Have a read of this article.....

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/10285707.stm

Not being the type to jump on the sexual hysteria bandwagon, I can accept that this stupid bugger (oops, probably could have used a better word there) was not acting in a sexually perverse way.

That said, what he did was surely beyond neglect? It really winds me up when journalists harass social workers to the point of putting them on the dole when a case goes wrong, and yet morons like this actually go unpunished.

Rant over.

Chicken Casserole

In the interests of clarity, I should point out that last nights blog was written with my tongue firmly planted in my cheek. I did receive a message or two this morning from concerned friends thinking it was all going down the swanny. Seems someone might even have been keeping a place for me at their kitchen table just to make sure I don't go hungry. It'll serve MPLST well to know that I'm obviously being looked after!

Anyway, today was far less stressful a day. Only 2 boys to look after and no wife. BB had his last dance class before next weeks show. Shame I'll miss it - I won't miss the looks from all the other dad's that say "Why are you torturing that poor little boy?"

After listening to a chorus of "soup is not my favourite" all the way home (having explained soup was indeed what we were having for lunch), BB proceeded to demolish it. At one point, he was simultaneously scoffing it whilst telling me it was too hot and he couldn't eat it. And you lot think I'm confused.......

On the way to the park this afternoon, we noticed that the farm around the corner was having an Aberdeen Angus Open Day. Having noticed an ice cream van, I figured we'd give that a go. Turns out it was more of a farmer's do, where they were bidding on bovine beasts or buying cattle feed and agricultural machinery. Still we saw big coos and wee coos, so boys were happy.

Thereafter, decided to do park before ice cream. You will note that the messy wee buggers were left to sit on the sill of the car until their ice cream was finished. All they cared about was the ice cream though. Happiness continued.

BB and I planted the sweetcorn in the greenhouse this afternoon, then admired all our seedlings from last weeks planting. Beetroot, lettuce, peas and carrots have all made an appearance. He seems impressed, but will he eat them? We'll see.

I'm having another fun Saturday night in with Ant n Dec tonight. Roll on lunch time tomorrow when we become four again. I swear that I do firmly believe all the tosh about spending quality time with one's kids, but when one is under the weather and kids are ill, it's not all it's cracked up to be!

Wham, Bam, Thank You.......Man???

Once upon a time, perhaps when I was under the illusion that I was a young stallion of a man, I may have lived by the motto Love Them and Leave Them. I really didn't expect to get loved and left as an (allegedly!!) happily married man. It seems that is indeed what has happened.


After being away to work for a week of my 2 week leave, MPLST arrived home late last night only to turn our house upside down and inside out before buggering off again (another hen weekend) this afternoon. In those twenty hours or so she single handedly created more mayhem around the house than 2 (yes two) kids with a combined age of 4 managed in a whole bloody week!!

From where I'm sitting, it would seem that her sole reasons for coming home were to
1. Get some BFS lovin'
2. Grab clean clothes and leave me the washing
3. Bake some cakes for said hen do.
4. Finish making T shirts, again for hen do.


I'd probably not be too bothered about it, had say, number 1 on the list reflected itself as her number 1 priority. The brutal reality for the modern stay at home mug, sorry I mean dad, is that it was exactly the reverse of that order above. And I'm pretty sure number 1 is only in there to keep me sweet!

To rub salt in my already bleeding wounds, I got up this morning to find the mug of tea I made her whilst she was hard at it last night untouched. Oh, and that was along with each and every thing she had used covering the very space I need to feed the kids breakfast this morning. So essentially, I think I am whoring myself out to MPLST now. It seems that in return for a token hump, I will clean up at her arse and look after the kids. Not a bad deal if you can get it ladies.

It's probably a good thing for her that I can't afford another divorce!! Maybe if treat them mean, you really can keep them keen. It's working for her.

I Can See The Seaside Daddy

Since the weather is remarkably good (that was one especially for MPLST who is missing out again, as she earns some pennies offshore), I decided the ideal way to pass the afternoon was to take all 3 kids to the beach.

Turned out ok, 26 degrees C as well. That has to be the highlight of a Scottish summer, and so early in the year too. I fear it can only go downhill from here. Even I am a tad burned on the shoulders - good job I lathered the kids in cream this morning. LL was looking a little red, but it's to be expected of one so fair I think.
On the downside, the pics I took are all too dark. Being a point and shoot photographer, even with MPLST's all signing toys, means that when someone goes in and plays with the settings I don't notice until I get home and look at the pics, which are all too dark. Nevertheless, I shall post a few for mum who won't see her boys for some time yet.

The only sour note of the day was listening to BB greet his wee heart out as we ascended an all mighty sand dune on the way back to the car. It was tough for him apparently. Dad wasn't overly sympathetic given I had LL on my shoulders, the change bag, a rucksack, the cool box and a bag of bloody toys too. Oh, and his sister and him had spend the hour previously venturing up and down said dune in the name of fun.