Bad Cop Bad Cop

MPLST was due to return home today. BB had been excited to get as far as one sleep to go on our way to nursery yesterday, so it was with great care I broached the subject of mummy being delayed for a few days. As I carefully explained that mummy needed to stay at work for a few extra days, and that it's ok to miss mummy, because daddy misses mummy too, he calmly said "Ok, daddy. I wanna watch TV" and ran into the living room with some expectation that his wish would be granted.

Hence, no blog yesterday as I was busy feeling sorry for myself. None of this was helped by your eldest (yes YOURS) being up 4 times in the night. However, I am pleased to report that he has taken on board some clear and concise instructions from daddy, and last night I got a whole 9 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Bizarrely, I'm still cream crackered though.

All we could muster today after nursery was to play in the garden. All rather uneventful - the highlights included LL standing at the end of the chute getting BB's left boot in the cheek as he arrived at the bottom. Unfortunately for LL, that was also the same cheek I (rather clumsily) caused him to bang against the wall as we left for nursery this morning. BB was also rather willing almost all of the time to "help" his brother down the chute with a gentle wee nudge at the top. See the pic below.

What I have noticed over the last few days is that all this full time dad nonsense that rendered the normally ever so assuring voice of daddy as useless. What I mean is that under normal circumstances, when I raise my voice, the kids generally stop, listen and then do what they are told. I suppose that only works when you are bad cop. So far this week, BB has laughed in my face when I boomed a lecture at him, and today when asked "BB, how many times have I told you not to do that?" I got a rather smiley "Three daddy" with the wave of 3 little fingers and a toothy smile. It may be in his interests that mum gets back on Friday at the absolute latest....

There's a Pond in the Park Daddy

BB is getting excited, he's counting down the sleeps. Not so much counting, but getting visibly more upbeat as the number gets lower.

For the first time since I got home, it wasn't chucking down this morning. The troops were ready to fall out at 0830, and BB cycled his way to nursery for the first time. I can see me dropping the BF bit if I keep carrying LL and trying to keep up with Valentino Rossi.

So on the ball were we this morning, I was at the butcher by half nine. It's a brave man who does it, but since the wife was away, I gambled on a liver casserole for the boys tonight. She hates it. I don't mind it. It's good for them, so that was the reasoning. I thought BB would be hard work, and although I got him to help with the cooking, he really wasn't going to eat it. In fact, he described it as "yucky" whilst pulling a contorted face worthy of winning any gurning competition. LL on the other hand, couldn't get enough of it - finished all of his in double quick time, then most of his brothers. 2 portions of that in the freezer. Well done me!

Before that, we did find time to sneak in a visit to the park. It's still pretty much flooded in areas, which is unfortunate, as BB had wanted to wear wellies, and I talked him into wearing shoes. We were there about 5 mins by the time he had waded through a muckle dub and soaked his feet. Since we were only 5 mins from home, and he was already wet, I figured I'd let him go for it, and see if I could get a really cool pic, but he wouldn't play along. Besides, it was proving hard work just to keep his brother dry.

Stripped of all Testosterone?

This single parenting malarkey thing is doing weird things. I can almost feel my penis shrink by the day, as both other men and woman question why I am left with the kids. I'm almost frightened to admit that I can do it any more. On one hand, I am making a rod for a the back of each and every man we know, as each ones missus berates him for not being able to have the kids for even a single weekend. On the other, I'm being further drawn into conversations with other mums about toddler groups and the associated politics. I really can't be arsed with all that.It got even worse today. In an effort to keep BB amused, we went to the park, but it rained on the way, so we baked some Mr Men cakes when we got home. Baking??? WTF? I don't mind cooking - cooking is manly. The best chefs are blokes. Maybe even the best bakers are - but they are all failed chefs, so that doesn't count. So far as I know, only Ainsley Harriot slipped through the net - the rest are men's men, are they not?.
It's not as though I've not tried to man it up a little this week. I've ignored the ironing. I've watched football Tues, Wed and Thurs, boxing on Fri, and football and boxing on Sat. On Sat, I even drank beer. But still I fear I'm only just short of having my man breasts fill up with milk.Anyways, BB enjoyed licking the bowls. I've not been able to get LL far enough away from me today to get a picture. He's fine though. We're looking after him.

Incy Wincy Spider

Today we headed off to a friends 1st birthday party. I'm not in the habit of taking pictures of cakes - it's a very girlie thing to do (the only men you see taking pics of the cutting of the cake are the ones who are under the thumb!). On this occasion though, I know MPLST would admire it, and the blog is primarily for her this week.

BB started off ok, but then lost out in a scrap over a balloon that left him all grumpy. The spider cheered him up - but it's not just any old spider, it's Incy Wincy Spider. By the time we left, it was more of a black blob with legs though.

LL had a merry old time. He feasted like a king (as did BB), they watched a magician (well BB did - LL was more interested in the toys on the floor). BB brought that balloon sword home with him, but it's just a balloon, not a sword. I mysteriously lost the horn thing he is trying to show his brother how to use (I honestly did not intend this, I even stopped the car to look for it - but lets face it, an hour and a half of that in the car might have tipped me over the edge).

Sorry, pics were crap and blurred today, so that's the best you get.

Chugga Chugga Choo Choo

Today's special treat for good boys was a trip on the train. BB was excited to be going on a train - that was until 5 mins before ours arrived, and a huge one went though the station at about 80 miles an hour. He then informed me he wanted to go on a slow train. He didn't like fast ones. All his constipation problems could have been cured in that instant.

BB just wanted to get back on the train - it wasn't that he didn't want to shop, he just wanted to be on a train. Matters took a turn for the worst when we parted company at the top of an escalator. After taking the lift up to the 2nd floor, he told me he wanted to go down the "stairs". As he wanted to hold my hand, I had to explain that because I had the pram, I would have to put that on first, hold it with one hand, and hold his hand with my other. Couldn't be easier I was thinking. I've done it loads. That was until he decided to miss his step, and fell on his backside, then scrambled backwards. So there we are, heading in opposite directions, hands outstretched like a moment from some Hollywood love story, him howling and me telling him it's ok. So here was my choice.....let the one strapped into his pram bounced down the escalator unaided and take a step back for the big one. Or, leave him to see if he would take the step before I got to the bottom.....

As I got to the bottom (you didn't really think I'd let LL bounce down, did you?), I'm trying to reassure him, whilst cursing this bloody pram that is preventing me get to him sooner. Meanwhile he is working himself into a frenzy. I'm pondering, do I leave LL here, take a quick run around to the up escalator? For a brief minute, I even considered sprinting back up the down one. There was no one on it - I know 20 years ago I had the pace to do it, but I quickly discarded the notion for fear of looking like Bambi on ice if I tripped. Fortunately, a bloke just picked him up and brought him down, so the drama was short lived.

In the end, I decided that I could make the earlier train home than I originally intended, but arrived at the station with 45 mins to kill. LL woke up hungry, and BB couldn't understand why none of the trains were his. Twas a joyous experience.

To make matters worse, I bumped into a few old faces who had crew changed and were on their way home. Not very North Sea Tigery to be sober at the train station with a couple of bambinos. The train home was harder work - no seats and a grumpy LL. Not too bad a day though.
They've been fed left overs from the fridge - and I can't find any of the takeaway menus. What the hell have you done with them? Trust you to tidy up the one thing I'd find useful......

Rainy Days

Well, that's the first one over with. Let me tell you, he's not been laughing like that all day!

We were forced into spending the afternoon inside a) because is was pissing down and b) because dad's get up and go has got up and gone. Generally we are the type who work by the motto "there's no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothes" but today I just couldn't be bothered adding wet to tired. When I picked BB up from nursery and asked him what he did today, he told me they didn't play outside today. He got a strange look from the teacher, who obviously only does outside in August, and didn't seem to get his disappointment.

So this afternoon has been one spent playing, reading and as you can see watching the box. Check out the bed head on your little lad.

Just before bed, as I was doing the milk, there was a howl from the bottom of the stairs. When I asked BB what he had done to LL, he rather excitedly told me he had kicked him, and proceeded to demonstrate an action Bruce Lee would be proud of. He continued on this gleeful little fresh air kicking spree after he apologised to his brother, only to collapse like a Chelsea striker when he booted the metal rod that holds the worktop up by the freezer. And there endith the first lesson in what goes around comes around my son.

How Can You Tell That Your Wife Has Left You?

You will recall that a fortnight ago I threw down a challenge to MPLST. All she had to do was write the odd blog, post the odd pic and I'd come home happy.

Two weeks later, and I received one little vidoe clip of LL moonwalking on demand, and a pic of BB on his first day of nursery. What a pitiful effort.

At the moment, we aren't seeing too much of each other. She left this morning and I came back this afternoon. I'm sure this wasn't how this job of hers was supposed to pan out. So, yet again, for a week or so, my blog will revert to a diary of events to keep her in touch. I refuse to be dragged down to her standards!!!

Perhaps one day, I'll get back to being angry with the rest of the world.

Over to You

Not that I'm having a dig or anything.....but I thought I'd mention that it's over to MPLST now. In theory, that means that her blog should have lots of pics and updates as to what's going on. There's no excuse: it's holiday time, so she doesn't even have to rush off in the morning to playgroup. On top of that, like all good men, I made sure she came home to BOTH washing and ironing baskets empty. If only it could be like that on my return.......

Holidays were great. Boys were very well behaved and the family time was brilliant - even if playing scrabble at 8pm on a Saturday night is not quite my idea of perfect. (I can't gloat too much about that, we were pretty even overall - you can be sure I would have mentioned it sooner had I won the bragging rights.) Only downside to hols will toddlers is that we both need a holiday now to get over it - we're wrecked.

I had hoped to revert my blog to general moaning and whinging about anything in particular, but having just read what's happening at work, I doubt I'll have the chance. Maybes when I get back....

I Did It!

All done and dusted. 10 days on my lonesome with the boys, and we still have two. Apart from the bleeding nose on day one, there wasn't even any further blood shed. How remarkably uneventful. Contrary to some of the questions hitting my inbox, they have not mysteriously disappeared, and neither have I for that matter.

Today marks BB's last day at playgroup. He will be off to nursery every morning after the tattie picking holidays. That's 5 whole mornings with just one boy to look after. What will we do with the time? Tidy the garden perhaps? Get out biking and shed the pounds? Who knows....I'll be sure to let you know though.

We're off on our first proper family holiday this soon. Nothing more adventurous than a couple of hours away from home, but a trip nonetheless. It will keep MPLST away from writing the report for the trip she did, and will keep me from washing cars and gardening, so our kids might actually have some time with mum and dad together.