16 Stone of Jelly

What is it about those bloody creatures that makes me buckle whenever I see one? More to the point, how am I to avoid making my kids fearful of tiny little (aye, right!) creatures that are more afraid of us than we are of them? - I use "us" loosely here by the way.

The other night, not one, but two of these rampaging beasts found there way to within 4 feet of my person. Just when I was beginning to conquer my fear of the damn things by getting rid of smaller ones with kitchen roll (a big step forward for BFS), my living room turns into a scene from Archnaphobia and I have developed a condition known locally as the Heebie Jeebies. In my defense, these weren't small, they were bloody well massive. 8 feet tall I tell you. At least!

Let's face it, in all other respects I consider myself a man's man. The kind who enjoys contact sports. I can be confrontational with creatures which have less than 6 legs (though I'm smart enough not to take on a bear, for instance). I don't even wear Marigolds when I'm cleaning the loo - now THAT'S tough.......but spiders, well, creepy crawlies in general........uggggggggggh!

So now we live with the Teuchtars in the countryside, I need to raise 2 lads not to be big jessies like their old man, otherwise I can only imagine the torment they will receive during their school years. I'm told boys round here eat big spiders for breakfast before they ride their tractors to school. I'll need to find a way though, because I understand that teaching them to thump other kids who extract the urine is no longer an acceptable parenting method.