I Feel Your Pain, Son

If it wasn't for the pain my boy was in, I'd be so proud of him and he'd be the talk of the platform next week on my return to work.

Some of those dad books cover the varying types of baby/child poo. I've got a Haynes type manual somewhere which shows in great details the progress babies make in their pooing habits, right the way from the thick black treacle through the chicken korma waste product that comes from breast milk, right up to, well regular shit I suppose. I think the authors try to pitch these things at our level to suck us in.....

What those books don't tell you is just how horrible it can be watching a 2 year old boy pass a dump that a hairy arsed scaffolder would be proud of. And not just once. It's coming on for five weeks now. I swear if we lived closer to the sea, I'd issue a shipping warning every time he dropped one. On one hand, there is something distinctly manly about having a king size dump, something for the dad in me to be proud of on some weird and inexplicable level (that's an observation from MPLST by the way - I'm unconvinced myself.) On the other though, we're really not supposed to talk about shit, are we?

But the poor loon keeps passing poos of biblical proportions. He's actually torn himself now - I can't help clenching at the very thought of it. Watching your own child scream the scream of fear humans normally reserve for childbirth itself is a truly horrible experience. It seems that no amount of fruit, veg, fruit juice, prunes, raisins or other high fibre foodstuffs can soften his particular blend of cement, and hence he continues to shit bricks. Even the lactose isn't bloody working. How frustrating.

On the plus side (have you finished dinner??), when he let one go in the bath, at least it was easy to clean up! That's the voice of experience from the not too distant past! I feel the need to point this out, because at least one single mum I know disputes that dads get any of these jobs. We have all the fun apparently. (Are you still clucking like an auld hen Pops?)