What's She Up To?

I can only imagine that she's building up to leave me. Take a look at her blog.

A night out with "the girls" on Saturday, where she apparently had a glass or two of wine which meant she sleep through BB's howls? I know what distracts me from howling children - not that there's been much energy for any of that recently.

Then my mother in law stays for the afternoon to let her go to the cinema on her own.

Tonight, MPLST tells me that her mother has asked for the boys on Friday night too. Meanwhile MPLST has no plans - not even with "the girls" this week.

I smell a rat! But I can't afford another divorce.
I hope she's simply trying to keep me on my toes.
Note to self: Must try harder.

My Very Own Billy Elliot

I'm getting it in the neck from all angles about the lack of blogging. I'm not quite sure why I've been struggling to find the time, as that was one the the quietest (not to mention most sober) New Years I've had since I was but a spotty pubescent teenager.

Some folks seem desperate for me to post pics of the kids. You'll just have to wait as I am back offshore. Unless MPLST sends me some downsized pics which I can post, you'll have to make do with my general rants against the world for the time being.

So to get you up to date on why I need matches to hold my eyes open, here's what you've missed.
Daddy made a unilateral decision to bin the "night time pants" (pull ups) and complete toilet training the old fashioned way - cold turkey! How very ironic in the run up to Chrimbo. BB did well, but for some reason, won't use the loo on his own at night, so it's disturbed sleep all round. On the bright side, he has now mastered it...so much so that I took him to the local toy shop where he picked his treat of choice.

We are (that should read I am really) using the threat of Santa returning to take away some cherished gifts if we do not behave properly. It's working a treat. Do you think it will still work come April, May or even June?

I'm also pleased to say that locally the nursery did not shut during the cold spell, and boyo was up and out in temps as low as minus 10. And we played outside in it. He still has 5 working digits on each hand.

Oh, and BB has also started dancing (yes, dancing. Not football, or archery or boxing) lessons. Either my darling wife has watched too much Strictly, or her childhood underachievements are now manifesting themselves in her parenting. The way I see it, you need balance to score goals like Archie Gemmil did against the Dutch in 1978. It will stand him in good stead.....

LL has taken the festive period in his stride. The only news on him is that he climbs and then he falls. He never learns though. He does it again, day after day.

SS came over after New Year. She is growing like a weed, but things are generally good between Fitba Face (her mother) and I for a change. Here's hoping that continues.

Never Mind Rage Against the Machine

That's right. I haven't blogged in weeks, and when I do find the time, it's to have a go at my dear old mother! I'll set the scene -

I call home about half an hour after kiddy bed time. You know when someone answers the phone in that tone? The one when you can tell immediately that something just hasn't gone quite to plan. I detected it in my darling wife's voice. I couldn't possibly repeat what she said because a) my mother might read this, and b) that's the same mouth that is kissing my kids goodnight.

My mother you see, is obsessed with leaving a light on for the kids at night. Between my daughters mother, other grandmother and her, they have managed to create a fear of the dark that scares poor SS more than the Bogey Man himself. The boys though, they go to bed every night with the lights out and the door closed. Always have done - despite her best efforts to break the unbroken.

In fact, a week or two ago, I stayed at her house and noticed she was about to put BB's light on. You would think that "Don't you dare put that light on" was as clear a message as one can give. Simple. Understandable. Clear. Apparently not!

Now, we're not totally naive. We know that both our mothers ignore many of our wishes and generally spoil the kids rotten. Each has their grandparents wrapped right around their little finger. We have learned not to be stressed by this, we accept it even. Most of the time, at least. I've turned a blind eye to the sweets and cakes they get. Those are grandparents treats. But sleeping habits.........arrrrrrrrrrgh!

So, here comes the part where we are an ungrateful pair of moaning sods. Normally, she has an excuse. She might say, for instance, it's a strange house when we stay at hers, so she'll leave the light on. I'll say don't bother and she glares at me, but can't do it because I'm staying too. But this time.....this time she is staying at our house. MPLST has had to go away to work for a couple of nights. Excellent, granny swings her shifts and comes to look after the kids and take BB to nursery. Even better, they have the familiarity of their own bedrooms. What could be simpler?

Why then, has MPLST just spent an hour with a screaming boy who wants the light on, when he has managed every single night for almost 3 and a half years without one?

Tonight, she was right. My mother is indeed a fucking menace!

Doesn't Time Fly When You're Having Fun?

I've been home almost a whole week - not sure where it's gone, but there have been several "firsts" this week.

On Thursday, MPLST was in the office, and had heard on Radio Fit Like that Bob The Builder was playing in town. There were tickets left, so I took the chance and treated the boys to an afternoon show. I was slightly apprehensive about the 1 year old, but it turns out he will sit and watch anything for longer than most 3 and 4 year olds.

On Friday, MPLST and I celebrated the 4th anniversary of our wedding but taking the kids (plus the biggest one) and leaving them at gran and grandad's whilst we treated ourselves to some much needed time together. Gran on the other hand, decided it would be good for all the cousins to play together, so had my brother kids over too. Nutter! That's two 1 year olds, a 3, 4 and 6 year old too. Mayhem......

We got back to them on Sat, and my brother and I took the eldest 3 to a fun house. BB struggles to keep up with the older two, but didn't seem phased. All three had a great time. On Saturday night, it was just the 3 to look after - a dawdle by comparison.

Another first on Sunday for BB was a trip to the flicks. Having noted that BB could sit and watch something without being a major pain in the arse, we decided to take SS and BB, leaving LL (and my mother who was nightshift last night) to get some rest. SS has been "hundreds of times" so it was old news for her. We watched a 3D cartoon, so I just hope he doesn't expect a nice pair of dark glasses every time he visits the cinema in future!

And there we have it. I'm already 25% of the way through my leave, and still haven't shaken the nightshift body clock - this was not helped by 3 kids sharing the room next to ours at my mother's house, and then BB turning up at 4.30 this morning to tell me he had "snot."

The next few weeks will see us prepare for Santa's arrival, and it has to be well organised, because daddy is away this year.

How Not to Endear Yourself to Your Mrs

MPLST did indeed return on Friday - my absence from the world wide web has (rather unfortunately) not been because she has pinned me to the bed and has been making up for lost time. No such luck, we're just trying to squeeze in some family foursome time before I go back to work.

I didn't do myself any favours tonight though. We were returning from a shopping trip and a visit to Grandma's for the boys when, I got caught out by one of many floods on the way home. We aqua planed before blowing out one back tyre, and the rear bumper is hanging off. On the bright side, the lads slept through the whole, albeit brief, drama. I even managed to move the car 3 times to find a suitable place to jack it up, got the wheel changed and was home before either of them woke.

Now that we are all home and in one piece, we can of course laugh about the whole thing -ok, maybe a wry smile is as far as we'll go at the moment. So the car (her car!!) is a bit worse for wear. It definitely needs a new wheel and tyre. We'll assess the damage to the back end in the day light.

Safe to say though, that I don't think I'll be getting pinned to that bed any time soon......